Aaaack!

This morning I found a gray hair in a place where....(well, you can guess). 

There have been some amazing things about turning 40 -- self awareness, boost in confidence, the I'm-gonna-do-what-I-wanna-do-and-not-give-a-f*@^ attitude, great sex...the list goes on.  But this...this unexpected and unruly reminder that my body is not fully under my control does not make the list. 

What makes it's mere existence even worse is that whenever these reminders pop up (it's happened more than I care to admit in the 359 days since I turned 40), I get anxious.  Because it's a reminder the clock is ticking.  That I can no longer talk about all the things I'm going to do "someday" and be looked fondly upon as FULL OF POTENTIAL.  No, I have approached the age where FULL OF POTENTIAL turns into WASTED POTENTIAL .

Over the last couple of years I've looked at my single, no kids (SNK) friends who've picked up and moved to new cities, traveled the world, started new businesses and I've come up with a laundry list of reasons (excuses?) why I can't do the same:

• I can't move the kids away from their dad!
• I have college tuition to save for!
• Where would I find the time?
• I'm a single mom, I can't quit my job!

But then, it hit me.  When my kids ask me to help them with something, my response is often, "Be solution oriented."  This isn't (only) lazy parenting.  My job as their mom is to raise them to be happy, self sufficient, successful adults.  Doing everything for them runs counter to that.  They hate it (especially my son...what IS it with boys?) but they've come to expect it and I hope are better for it.

So this year I'm taking my own advice. Rather than focusing on what my SNK friends are doing and making excuses (there, I admitted it!) for why I can't do the same, I'm spending 2012 focused on what I CAN do within my own personal parameters -- single woman living in one of the most expensive cities in the country with two lovely kids with expensive tastes in private school, one only 3 years from college and dreams of going to a very expensive school across the country. 

And then I'm doing it. 

This blog was the first step.  I'll let you know when I've figured out step 2.